Academy Awards 101

Ready, set, yawn.

The highly anticipated and widely panned 88th academy awards begins in about an hour.

But really, who even cares? it's been a giant fashion snore-fest for the past several years, with one or two standouts - simply because they're the only choices that aren't red ball gowns, metallic columns or Marchesa. 

My ambivalent predictions are as follows: 

I predict hideous high-low hems,  many rogue legs and metallic/nude columns. There will be and overwhelming stink of pageant gowns, Versace and the color blue. I will spent the next 6 hours biting my nails and clinging to a sliver of hope that someone will wear chartreuse or Elsa Schiparelli.

Try this at home kids. Every time you see a strapless ball gown - drink.