GREAT NEWS

At long last my personality type has been identified. Thanks to a thoughtful email and link supplied by my Dad.

I am a Curmudgeon - a chip off the old cranky block.

There are some questionable requirements in being considered a curmudgeon. ie: Being an artist disqualifies, yet being penniless and/or unemployed is a must? Hand in hand my friend. Hand in hand.

If you don't want to read the full article (enlightening) here are the most pertinent excerpts. 

Most qualifying characteristics as held by me:

  1. "Delicacy, prettiness, warmth, softness, sweetness, sparkle - pretty well define what a curmudgeon is not."
  2. "Humanity is of little or no interest to a curmudgeon; what he most desires from others is that they would leave him alone."
  3. "Curmudgeonly Communication - There isn't any. Note that communication has to do with people understanding you and coming back with ideas of their own. Remember, it doesn't matter if people understand you. They ought to, and if they don't, it's their own fault."
  4. "A curmudgeon should either be capable of saying "Harrumph", "Humph", or "Hmmf" convincingly. How do you know if you are convincing? When you say it, people should look taken aback or even offended."
  5. "The ideal curmudgeon is retired. If that is not possible, almost-penniless unemployment is pretty good. Really, anything will work if it is not touchy-feely or likely to spread happiness and joy."
  6. "Like a curmudgeon, the female equivalent can even be rather lovable, and essential to the character of the neighborhood. One example would be the general's housekeeper in the movie White Christmas" - refer to term battleaxe.

To do:

  1. "Attend a finishing school to learn how to be excruciatingly polite and have proper timing, which for a curmudgeon means being slightly off. Anyone trying to shake your hand should miss it, anyone trying to hug you should meet your shoulder instead."

Now get off my porch!

Girl? Boy? Who gives a shit.

I'm going to preface this post by saying I'm a huge bitch. To many of you this comes as no surprise. 

So let's get down to business. Babies: They all look alike. And by that I mean - unless a parent is dressing them a deliberate way, it's incredibly difficult to tell the gender of an infant. But who the hell cares anyway? 

Specifically with baby girls, it seems parents (and I'm guessing it's primarily mothers) are infuriated when people mistake their girls for boys. When a full pink ensemble just won't do - Enter: god-awful headbands. Glorified elastics adorned with butterflies, flowers and shame, these ridiculous things are suffocating tiny craniums in order to distinguish that yes, this pooping, gurgling blob is in fact a girl. 

Now that you know my stand on baby accessories I can tell you that I recently I got the best gift ever. It was by way of text and in the shape of a blurry photograph. 

My issues with this poster:

1. Headbands should be outlawed to begin with. They're just plain dumb. 

2.  I find the sentimental value statement mildly dubious. The blankie I've had since birth has sentimental value. It's 40 years old, made by my godmother and an entire corner has been nibbled away. This is a headband belonging to a child who by the looks of it is, I don't know 8 months old? 

3. Horribly misleading phrasing. MISSING punctuated by baby pictures. The word LOST may have been more appropriate. Also maybe only one cropped image of JUST the headband. 

4. What's the reward? I shudder to think. 

Told you. HUGE bitch. 

Is it bad . . .

That my favorite thing to do in the world is watch TV? I mean tonight for instance, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than turn on Arachnophobia and eat potato chips. Unless it was turn on Arachnophobia and eat Cheezies?

TV is the best. I can totally unwind - my mind goes blank (more blank than normal) and I can relax. It helps me sleep, it helps me forget, it makes me happy. It is my heroine. 

Here's the Arachnophobia Trailer. Tell me I'm crazy. 

Valentines, sh-malentines con't

We want you're opinion. But only if its positive.

Not really - be honest, because lets face it, if people were all sweetness and light all the time it would be quite difficult to to take anyones opinion seriously. 

We've got fortune cookies with pick-up lines (bad ones obviously), lonely bubbles and a sappy scholastic heart. 

Like the classics? Shop them here: 

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Spirograph in the sky.

Brace yourself - I'm in a good mood.

No, hell has not frozen over. It was however sunny in Vancouver - so same diff. I had a great day today - and I have art to thank for that. Well, art and Instagram. Social media is my favorite right now, next to my blankie that is. Due to the cleverness of one of the instagrammers I stalk, I was privy to information I probably wouldn't have found out about until it was yesterday's news. 

This morning as I was pawing through my instagram feed, I was thrilled to find out that the buzzed about Janet Echelman ariel sculpture was currently being suspended across the Vancouver harbour. From the moment I heard about Echelman I was intrigued. To someone who doesn't know her work (and assuming I didn't have a photograph right over there) I would describe it as the love-child of Georgia O'Keefe and spirograph - except far bigger, three dimensional and highly impressive. 

There's currently still a KickStarter campaign to help funding and the "rewards" are pretty dope. The sculpture is being installed to coincide with Vancouver hosting the equally buzzed about TED Talks. 

Bottom line: I'm super jazzed about all of the above. In my opinion Echelman's "Skies Painted with Unnumbered Sparks" although a lengthy title (and lengthy sculpture - 745 ft) it's vastly more interesting than those god-awful creepy cackling bronze figures “A-maze-ing Laughter” (probably why  hate it) at English Bay.

Yay public art!

the remains of the day.

And that day was the 25th of December. 

It's over people. There are still macabre traces of Christmas. Notice this self-serving santa looming over a lynched snowman - obviously part of a love triangle that went horrible wrong, based on the face-down-in-her-own-filth angel right next door.

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This decoration neglect is barely forgivable as we enter the second week of 2014. What you do inside your own home is your business, but if it's on display for the neighborhood to see, that's an entirely different story. 

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Worse still - and I think we all know how I feel about reindeer antlers on cars when they're "functioning" (if that's what you'd call it) properly - and entirely inexcusable is when one antler is missing off your stupid PT Cruiser . Two antlers are bad enough, but one - thats just ridiculous, not to mention extraordinarily lazy.

Pack it in folks. Valentines Day is a month away. It's time to put away soggy red noses only to be replaced by  snoggy noses.