Is it bad . . .

That my favorite thing to do in the world is watch TV? I mean tonight for instance, I can't think of anything I'd rather do than turn on Arachnophobia and eat potato chips. Unless it was turn on Arachnophobia and eat Cheezies?

TV is the best. I can totally unwind - my mind goes blank (more blank than normal) and I can relax. It helps me sleep, it helps me forget, it makes me happy. It is my heroine. 

Here's the Arachnophobia Trailer. Tell me I'm crazy. 

Remember when . . .

I'm feeling nostalgic. So what else is new. Specifically I'm nostalgic for London. A city I clearly don't recall loathing on a daily basis. All I choose to remember is its charming quirkiness and the total gas I had living there. 

I've decided to revisit some of my writings of the time and I've decided to inflict this hilarity on you may faithful reader(s). Yes, all six of you.

Backstory: I lived in a terrific (and uncharacteristically humongous) flat in Southwark. Across the road was a dodgy-as-fuck half-way house. It provided hours of entertainment and a general sense of uneasiness.

Lets reminisce shall we?

I’ve mentioned the house for the derelict and permanently drunk that’s located across the street? Well, we can add insane to that list of credentials. As I was hanging out my window yesterday I spotted a shifty character come out of  the “shelter” across the way. So far nothing too out of the ordinary. Except upon close inspection I actually read what was on this fella’s t-shirt. Bearing in mind he was weaving all over the road. Difficult to focus. In scrawled, what looked to be printing done in liquid paper. In a very either avant garde or slightly more likely, hasty intoxicated fashion he had written on the front 100% MAD. Super. The really swell part was when I got a look at the back, and it read 200% CRAZY. Super-duper. I think that just about sums up the caliber of resident across the street. Send me your loving thoughts now, cause tomorrow it may be too late. This of course coming from the girl who dragged a door home from under the overpass down the road b/c she thought it looked pretty. Hey kettle, you’re black. 

The End.

For now at least - tune in again next time for more drivel.

Amazing Jar

I said it before and I'll say it again. If you don't like vocal fry and the word amazing The Bachelor is not the show for you. 

Jimmy Kimmel guest-bachelored on the show this past week and the unimaginable occurred. 

At long last. Jimmy Kimmel (and the shows producers?) took it upon themselves to tackle the amazing epidemic (see past blog post). People should be punished for unimaginative and flagrant use of the word amazing. Whether it be lashings or a monetary fine there must be consequences.  The Bachelor chose the more prime-time acceptable route and introduced a swear-jar directed at the overuse of amazing throughout the episode. 

I almost cried - and then called all my friends. I may have been more excited about this than my engagement.

the remains of the day.

And that day was the 25th of December. 

It's over people. There are still macabre traces of Christmas. Notice this self-serving santa looming over a lynched snowman - obviously part of a love triangle that went horrible wrong, based on the face-down-in-her-own-filth angel right next door.

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This decoration neglect is barely forgivable as we enter the second week of 2014. What you do inside your own home is your business, but if it's on display for the neighborhood to see, that's an entirely different story. 

antlers.jpg

Worse still - and I think we all know how I feel about reindeer antlers on cars when they're "functioning" (if that's what you'd call it) properly - and entirely inexcusable is when one antler is missing off your stupid PT Cruiser . Two antlers are bad enough, but one - thats just ridiculous, not to mention extraordinarily lazy.

Pack it in folks. Valentines Day is a month away. It's time to put away soggy red noses only to be replaced by  snoggy noses.