Academy Awards 101

Ready, set, yawn.

The highly anticipated and widely panned 88th academy awards begins in about an hour.

But really, who even cares? it's been a giant fashion snore-fest for the past several years, with one or two standouts - simply because they're the only choices that aren't red ball gowns, metallic columns or Marchesa. 

My ambivalent predictions are as follows: 

I predict hideous high-low hems,  many rogue legs and metallic/nude columns. There will be and overwhelming stink of pageant gowns, Versace and the color blue. I will spent the next 6 hours biting my nails and clinging to a sliver of hope that someone will wear chartreuse or Elsa Schiparelli.

Try this at home kids. Every time you see a strapless ball gown - drink.

Warning: It may get Pageant-y.

Sunday’s predictions: Today.

Besides mentally preparing for the In Memoriam (RIP Louis Jourdan) portion of the evening, I am once again predicting the top fashion trends of the evening. Sadly if the Golden Globes were any indication, my predictions (even the safe ones) may be lost to an overall theme. One word: Pageant. (I'm pointing fingers at you Versace)

Lofty Predictions:

  • Demure necklines – think high Victorian necklines or prim collars.
  • Sheer, see-through etc.  -  Whether it’s lace or organza, the message is: “Look at my underpants!”
  • Underpants – See above. With a host of runways sporting deliberately coordinated underthings, I predict underpants to be the accessory du jour.
  • Pleats – it’s been spat up on  runways for almost two seasons, plus Lupita did it last year*

predictable Predictions:

  • The color yellow – this season’s ‘red’
  • The color cobalt blue – the less adventurous yellow.
  • Thigh – After two years we get it, you all have legs; thanks a million Angelina Jolie.
  • Strategic cut-outs – This includes mid-riffs (last years Met Gala’s runaway trend)
  • Florals – simply because you can’t swing a cat with out hitting a Giambattista Valli gauzy floral dress anymore.

* Lets just make this easy - whatever Lupita Nyong’o did last year, it’ll be gracing the red carpet this year.  See:  pleats, sternums, florals, capes, the color red and the princess gown.

Oscars from years past: