Nosebleeds 101

As middle age looms menacingly in front of me, at least I can take comfort in one thing. My most successful life hack.

Nosebleeds: Saddled with this burden since early childhood, I've had to staunch my fair share of bloody noses. From 4 hour gushers via both nostrils to 1 minute teasers, I've tackled them all. I've had them in the comfort of my home, at my desk at work and once in a Notting Hill alleyway when a snogging session turned horrifying in the sniff of a nose. Nosebleeds are the worst. And by worst, I mean the a c t u a l WORST. They can be scary, are always uncomfortable and are messy to boot.

A nasty nosebleed can make easy work of a box of Kleenex. Damp cool rags, tilting your head back, tilting your head forward, pinching the bridge of your nose. Garbage. All of it. I wish my Mom had thought of this when I was 7, life would have been a lot easier. 

One word: Tampons. This should be a no-brainer - but in my experience it is not. So fellow nosebleed-ers this is what you do.

  1. Get yourself a tampon with applicator (I find these work better). 
  2. Discard the applicator
  3. Cut the tampon into 3 equal pieces (conveniently nostril sized)
  4. Voila.

I ALWAYS have a few chopped up tampons on hand - as nosebleeds are unpredictable. At the ripe old age of 39, I have figured out how to handle this particular nuisance. Tampax has been as convenient for my nostrils as my other parts. So next time you have a gusher, instead of swapping out blood soaked tissues every few seconds and having to put your life on hold for however long - shove a little blob of cotton into your nostril (be gentle) and you can continue, making dinner or finishing that Excel spreadsheet. Plus, with less activity going on around your delicate nose, I wager the gushing will cease sooner. You're welcome.