Brunch-ish *

left: pizza corner, massacred quails eggs and toilet-infused cannoli
right: meaty hash including short & curly (right corner of square plate)

I can honestly say and almost without any exaggeration - some of the worst food I’ve ever had in Vancouver. I don't care if it is miniature (the unofficial theme for the day)

Things I’m thankful for:

1.    The ticket was free 
2.    My “date” was amusing
3.    And my boyfriend wasn’t in the bathroom when I got home.

Today was Vancouver Foodster’s Kitsilano brunch crawl.  It was absolutely awful. No “foodie” in their right mind would go to most of these places for brunch or otherwise. I have to wonder how the participating restaurants were chosen? I can only assume it was based on struggling venues that need the business - because actually few have ANY business serving brunch.

We started at Novo Pizzeria and Wine Bar (that’s right pizza). The “event” began about a half hour late and it appeared there was zero prep on the restaurant's end. At around 10:35 (check in was 9:45) we were each served a slice of pizza with quail eggs on top. Off to a bad start as all runny eggs make me gag. Not the the pizzeria's fault. As we were part of the crawl however, options were very limited. The accompanying salad was adequate and the mini cannoli was purely disgusting. It tasted exactly like how airplane soap smells: chemicals and cream.

Next stop; Darby’s Pub. Yes. A selection of three brunch-type things. More runny eggs in the form of a pint-sized benny and huevos rancheros, so I just got the hash – the cook wouldn’t hard poach anything because they were swamped – there’s a game on today . . . and it’s a PUB.  The hash was semi-edible, but I think it was just because I was hungry. Not hungry enough to finish it, but hungry enough to ignore the hair on the serving plate (see image). I had my coat and toque on before my date had finished her plate. 

We went across the road and hit Momento Coffee House. They served brunch crawlers a steel-cut oat pudding and a 6oz coffee plus a mini pain au chocolate. This was fine. We finished up in a cute atmosphere with friendly serving staff behind the counter.

Venturing back across the street we were met with a line-up outside Linh Café, which offered a bizarre combination of French and Vietnamese? We waited in the cold for a while, then waited inside for a while. But were soon seated and served quickly. However with no vegetarian option, my date was shit out of luck and I was destined to be shitting out my . . . . . To accompany the water served in paper cups a heaping plate of chopped up spring rolls and a couple of crusty liverwurst smeared mini-baguettes were put in front of us. I tasted both seeing as one of us couldn’t try anything. It was maybe the shortest time spent at one of the participating restaurants. 

Lastly and a tie with the coffee shop for least offensive; was Krokodile Pear juice bar. The juice samplers washed away the residual taste of warm liver, so that was good. The visit was short, as the space was small and the poor people in the shop were about 15 minutes away from having 100 brunch crawlers descend on them. We bypassed the final stop, an ice cream joint? (head in hands in bewilderment) My date's football game was starting and dressed up brunchy ice-cream on a cold day was a less than appealing thought.

The big question besides when this queasy feeling will end, is why places perhaps known for brunch ie: Fable, Burgoo, The Naam, The Oakwood weren’t involved? Was it that they saw the event for the sham that it was and simply sidestepped that land mine? Was it because Vancouver Foodster despite the moniker, has zero clue about food? 

* edited to protect the innocent? All opinions expressed are my OWN and are to be taken with a heaping tablespoon of salt.