I have nothing against spiders. At least not the ones that aren't bitey and venomy. However arachnid tolerance only extends to specimens the size of my fingernail (including legs) Any bigger and mild panic sets in.*
My "roommate" kills spiders. I on the other hand, try and gently coax them out the window with bits of paper and tupperware. I do not condone the massacre of something that although super creepy, has done nothing but get in from the rain. But like I said, sometimes they're just too dang big. Case in point last night.
roommate pointed out a John Goodman size spider chilling on the bedroom sleeping.
"turn off the light, I'm sure it'll just stay there all night."
"Hilarious - get rid of it"
"If I'm getting rid of it I'm going to kill it."
"Like hell you are, it'll leave a stain."
"You get rid of it."
Cut to: me rummaging around in the recycling for containers and cardboard. I wandered back into the bedroom with my supplies. roommate thought this meant I was going to take care of it. But it was clear to him I didn't have a fully formed plan. Trap it on the ceiling and stand there for the rest of the night until it one of us lost consciousness was all I could think of. He snatched the container out of my hand and grabbed the broom.
"i'll show you how this is done."
"DON'T KILL IT!"
"Relax, all you do is . . . ."
This is when he took the broom to the ceiling and swept the spider clear across the room, over the bed and into my hair. Okay, not in my hair, but it could've landed in my hair. It landed on the floor (miraculously) obviously stunned. Stunned maybe because of the flight or the high pitch screaming.
After a few more hilarious pretend to throw the spider at my roommate jokes, Itsy was set free by way of plummeting out the kitchen window. Phew.
Crawling into bed I hear "You know they go straight for your mouth when you sleep."
I'm sure it was the only one.
* move to Australia on the back-burner.