GREAT NEWS

At long last my personality type has been identified. Thanks to a thoughtful email and link supplied by my Dad.

I am a Curmudgeon - a chip off the old cranky block.

There are some questionable requirements in being considered a curmudgeon. ie: Being an artist disqualifies, yet being penniless and/or unemployed is a must? Hand in hand my friend. Hand in hand.

If you don't want to read the full article (enlightening) here are the most pertinent excerpts. 

Most qualifying characteristics as held by me:

  1. "Delicacy, prettiness, warmth, softness, sweetness, sparkle - pretty well define what a curmudgeon is not."
  2. "Humanity is of little or no interest to a curmudgeon; what he most desires from others is that they would leave him alone."
  3. "Curmudgeonly Communication - There isn't any. Note that communication has to do with people understanding you and coming back with ideas of their own. Remember, it doesn't matter if people understand you. They ought to, and if they don't, it's their own fault."
  4. "A curmudgeon should either be capable of saying "Harrumph", "Humph", or "Hmmf" convincingly. How do you know if you are convincing? When you say it, people should look taken aback or even offended."
  5. "The ideal curmudgeon is retired. If that is not possible, almost-penniless unemployment is pretty good. Really, anything will work if it is not touchy-feely or likely to spread happiness and joy."
  6. "Like a curmudgeon, the female equivalent can even be rather lovable, and essential to the character of the neighborhood. One example would be the general's housekeeper in the movie White Christmas" - refer to term battleaxe.

To do:

  1. "Attend a finishing school to learn how to be excruciatingly polite and have proper timing, which for a curmudgeon means being slightly off. Anyone trying to shake your hand should miss it, anyone trying to hug you should meet your shoulder instead."

Now get off my porch!