Golden Globes 2017

Yes, I know I'm late to the review game. Better late than never I rarely say. Overall, my general thoughts were positive as the Golden Globes are inherently more interesting, fashion-wise, to the dumb ol' Oscars. And you can call me Tina if it isn't so. 

Below are my favorites and least, in no partcular order. 

My Top three: Center and from literal top to bottom - Louise Roe in Monique Lhuillier,  Caitriona Balfe in Delpozo and Ruth Negga in Louis Vuitton. Satellite favorites - counter-clockwise from left: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton, Annette Benning in Pamela Roland, Laura Dern in Burberry, and Natalie Portman in Prada. 

My Top three: Center and from literal top to bottom - Louise Roe in Monique Lhuillier,  Caitriona Balfe in Delpozo and Ruth Negga in Louis Vuitton. Satellite favorites - counter-clockwise from left: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton, Annette Benning in Pamela Roland, Laura Dern in Burberry, and Natalie Portman in Prada. 

Metallics, canaries & sternums oh my. The tiresome trends made their bi-yearly appearances on the red carpet. However there were exceptions to the sense-assaulting Zuhair Murads - notable metallics included Claire Foy, Ruth Negga and Anette Benning. Wearing Erdem, Louis Vuitton and Pamela Roland respectively. A notable yellow was worn by Jackie O, I mean Natalie Portman. Ahem. 

The White Wedding category: there were A LOT.

At long last I finally look like Sienna Miller. Or should I say she looks like me. This year she chose a look reminiscent of one of my bridal gown rejects (see above). 

  • SJP didn't  wear a terrible dress if you ignore its very literal reference to Carrie Bradshaw. 
  • Gillian Anderson, who despite a relatively unremarkable gown, was a vision of perfection.
  • Thandie Newton (remind me to tell you the story about how husband thinks he had a "moment" with her back in 2005) looked superb in Monse - taking the white theme away from the three-way-mirror and onto the red carpet thanks to a shimmering burst of amber sequins.
  • Louise Roe (last but certainly not least) wore a gown by Monique Lhuillier (a designer loved by bridesmaids the world over) and knocked it out of the park. This is the one instance exposed sternum + high slit worked beautifully. Do not try this at home - I promise, you will not pull it off. 

While many wore white and almost as many wore yellow a couple broke from the pack and did sublimely unique color. I'm still on the fence about Jessica Chastain's Wedgwood blue Prada, although my instinct is to love it. I'm no where near the fence in regards to Caitriona Balfe's two-tone navy and tomato  Delpozo. Subtle, dramatic and pinned together with just the right amount of sparkle. 

The One Trick Pony category: Almost as typical as their average dresses - Reese Witherspoon  and Amy Adams. yawning*          

dogs-breakfast.jpg

The Dog's Breakfast category:

Gucci (and the color pink) was not represented well by Felicity Jones and the disappointing and consistently terrible Zoe Saldana. Fortunately where Gucci failed Armani Privé-ailed. Mostly. The line was represented beautifully by a twinkling Noemi Harris, a velvety Theresa Palmer and a subtle Isabelle Huppert. At the opposite end of the Armani spectrum however, was the horrific custom gown on the cute-from-the-collar-bones-up Janelle Monáe.

Other notable mistakes included:

  • Anna Kendrick in a chestacular Vionnet. 
  • Casey Affleck - entirely due to his pubic hair  . . .  I mean facial hair. 
  • Carrie Underwood in Iris Serban and for continuing the plight of the color pink.  
  • If anyone can pull off Alexander McQueen RTW it's Nicole Kidman. Until now.
  • Sophie Turner: we all remember Judy Jetson right?

Bad outfit, shame on you. Horrible lighting, shame on the light tech. Was it the HD or the awful spots that made Steve Carell, Matt Damon & La La Land director Damien Chazelle look like they belonged in the ICU? Where some paled, others glowed. Perhaps an homage to Trump, perhaps poorly executed fake-and-bake - Either way Ryan Reynolds and Justin Theroux were an unappealing bordering-on-George-Hamilton shade of orange. Yeesh. 

So. What are we going to see at the Oscars, beside a whole lot of yawning? Because electric blue and red were at a minimum at the Golden Globes they will likely be at a maximum at the Academy Awards. Plus more yellow and emerald green. Think a primary school paint set. Also this isn't the last time we're going to see overindulgent slits. They just won't die. At least not before February 26th. Finally and predictably the Zuhair/Marchesa lace-metallic-sheer, kitchen sink dresses will be in abundance. I'm falling asleep just thinking about it.

Stay tuned and take every word I wrote as gospel.