It came and went. My anticipated engagement to Damon Albarn. The Gorillaz came to town. They played at a stadium(intimate). I had no doubt that Damon would recognize me from Westbourne Grove W11 and a solid 2 years of me either glaring or ignoring him. I mean yes, I was in a crowd of thousands and my hair is two feet longer and I'm about 30lbs (2.something stones) lighter. But heck yes, it was all supposed to come flooding back to him like a bad nose-bleed. The countless times I said nothing to him, the stolen glances. Siiiiigh.
Here's some background detailing my rather unhealthy if not totally delusional obsession.
Damon Albarn update.
Have been a little concerned of late. Have not seen Damon pass by on foot, bike or otherwise. Last time seen was about 2 weeks ago (obviously did not see him in Switzerland…. Or perhaps he was behind that tree?) Strolled by in his cute slouchy “I’m not a rock star… really I’m not” way. Looked in shop, as I was adjusting bra. Well done. To be fair, wasn’t the only one below par that day. He looked dashing in track pants (What’s with this country!?) and camo truckers hat (presumably has not taken up driving the big rigs) and carrying bag of leeks. NB must get job at ‘Fresh and Wild’ grocery store down road. He is ALWAYS there. So after bra incident thought that was it, no more Damon. Not so. Rolled past on his bike 3 times today. Missed him first time but staff member (Imran) said he was craning his neck as he went by. Well, maybe not craning, splitting hairs. Then proceeded to ride by 2 more times. Did not look in the 2nd and 3rd time, obviously did not think I was in shop today. Still think have shot!
Fingers crossed. Z
Finally made serious, unmistakable eye contact. Have never been closer! Almost blacked out.
Damon cruised down the road on his chopper heading to Fresh & Wild, as per usual. The difference between this time and the countless times before? Firstly, had spectacular view from shop door position. And held view for about 1 ½ blocks. Enjoyed about 20 mins of Damon striking poses (read: David Brent) as he loitered outside F&W reading the paper. Had no idea what he was doing for that amount of time. Fortunately bought me time to make myself presentable, as knew he would be back eventually. Was perched in doorway, having just flipped hair when not 15 feet away came a little bike with a slightly less little Damon laden down with parcels. Even better was that he was on the sidewalk not the road. Almost blacked out for second time. Psssst’d Imran, as he has more of a crush on Damon than I do. Imran insists that if I meet Damon, the two of them will become bestest friends. Just as I turned back to the door and Imran plastered himself casually to the window, D v. slowly and carefully peddled by, whilst balancing 2 pizzas’s a paper and his grocery shopping dangling from the bikes handle bars. Almost toppled bike as he looked up at me standing around looking useless in the doorway. Pretty sure I glared at him. Fortunately did not drool. Or perhaps blacked out for 3rd time and did drool.
Perhaps should have offer a helping hand? Missed opportunity. I mean had I smiled I’m sure some broccoli from last night would have navigated its way in-between my two front teeth. Smiling would have been foolish, better to glare. At least didn’t wave knickers at him this time. Am picture of self restraint.
Must figure out way to get him to fall madly and hopelessly in love with me. Think. Next time, trip him? Blow kiss? Not glare? Lift up top? Throw confetti? Steal pizzas?
Hope springs eternal.
To Sum up
Marital Status: Not Mrs. Damon Albarn