put an egg on it.

i swear to god.

If I see one more bowl of pasta (udon, vermicelli or fettuccini - it doesn't matter) with a GD fried egg on top I am going to lose it. The "amazing" of the food world; you can't swing a cat on social media without seeing an otherwise delightful looking meal topped off with a quivering blob of yellow. It seems that the current trend, because radishes still haven't quite completely caught on, are runny-ass eggs. Gross with a capital Gag. 

Sadly this abhorrent movement isn't limited to noodles. Burgers, stir-fry, soups and pizza have all hopped aboard this revolting band wagon. I don't care if it's quail, free-range or whatever, get it off my asparagus.

I've never had a problem going to restaurants and ordering anything I want off the menu. I am not a fussy eater. With breakfasts it's expected that the customer will state "how they want their eggs". At the latest infuriatingly bespoke watering hole, the chemistry of the dish is thrown off if the egg is anything but drippy. (heaving*) I am finding this limiting and disgusting. 

When will it end? What's next? Come on radishes - try harder!

Amazing Jar

I said it before and I'll say it again. If you don't like vocal fry and the word amazing The Bachelor is not the show for you. 

Jimmy Kimmel guest-bachelored on the show this past week and the unimaginable occurred. 

At long last. Jimmy Kimmel (and the shows producers?) took it upon themselves to tackle the amazing epidemic (see past blog post). People should be punished for unimaginative and flagrant use of the word amazing. Whether it be lashings or a monetary fine there must be consequences.  The Bachelor chose the more prime-time acceptable route and introduced a swear-jar directed at the overuse of amazing throughout the episode. 

I almost cried - and then called all my friends. I may have been more excited about this than my engagement.

Ah-MAZING - Ah, Spare me.

amaze verb \ə-ˈmāz\amazedamaz·ing

Hands down the most overused adjective in the past 2 years. I'm finding it increasingly grating. All I have to hear is that breath of air before the stalled "ah" and my eye begins twitching. "AH - MAAAZING!" - the national battle cry of 20-30 something women. Used to praise anything from a balled up pair of socks to skydiving. There's got to be a barometer for its use.

photo 1

photo 1

Things that aren't amazing:

  • your friend's homemade chutney - it's palatable and/or delicious.
  • a kitten pushing a shopping cart that carries another kitten - it's adorable and/or ridiculous.
  • a 40 year old flying down a slip and slide - it's hilarious and/or dangerous

Things that are amazing:

  • The Pyramids
  • Space travel (can also be filed under terrifying)
  • Surviving a cardiac arrest in a deserted parking-lot at the age of 35. (can also be filed under dumb luck)

Using a combination of shame and eye-rolls, I have successfully conditioned one friend (culprit) to curb her amazing usage - at least when she's around me.

Here's a list of synonyms to help break the cycle.

  • surprising
  • astonishing
  • astounding
  • shocking
  • startling
  • extraordinary
  • wonderful
  • marvelous
  • tremendous
  • remarkable
  • stunning  (runs a close second to amazing)
  • incredible (runs a close third to amazing)

Start listening/watching for the A-word in conversation, Instagram comments, Facebook status and tweets - you'll be sharing in my agony in no time.

Next up: Hashtags - Living with an addiction.