Pumpkin "spice"

Bad news you Starbucks loving dummies. I've figured it out.

Two words: Soylent Green.

For those who don't know. Soylent Green is a sci-fi movie from 1973. Is stars Charlton Heston so is predictably awful. Times are tough in 2022 but The Soylent corporation has introduced a delicious new food ration (Soylent Green) and a zillion New Yorkers are loving it! Too bad it's running out. 

Punchline: the good people of NYC have been unwittingly eating the good people of NYC.

pumpkin starbucks illustration.jpg

The cookie that Maca-ruined everything.

Right up there withe red velvet anything are the insipid little sugar patties called macaron. Extraordinarily laborious to construct, they are maybe the most overrated (and over-instagrammed) cookie of all time. 

My biggest grievance however isn't with the confections inane colors and horrific flavors. It's the people that call them macaroons. Macaroons are simple and delicious. Macaron are the exact opposite.  Their great great great great great grandfather's may have been the same. But macaroons and macarons are bastard cousins at best. 

Who wants diarrhea!

A word of caution dear readers: These are the worst.

Don't get me wrong, they're delicious but they are trying to kill you. At reasonable doses you'll get explosive bubbles for 24+ hours. At high levels (the whole bag) there's a chance you could die.

After some over-sharing and subsequent sleuthing my bff & I determined our mutual discomfort was due to Philippine Brand dried mangoes. Naturally delicious my ass - literally. These suckers contain a delightful preservative called sodium metabisulfite

Now you're probably thinking. It's just the mango causing awful gas and queasiness. True, dried fruit IS a total diarrhetic. But in the small quantity bff and I ate - not so much. 

Masquerading as "Healthy" and "Naturally Delicious" I would advise avoiding these at all cost - And that cost is $14.00 at Cost Co. 

 

 

 

put an egg on it.

i swear to god.

If I see one more bowl of pasta (udon, vermicelli or fettuccini - it doesn't matter) with a GD fried egg on top I am going to lose it. The "amazing" of the food world; you can't swing a cat on social media without seeing an otherwise delightful looking meal topped off with a quivering blob of yellow. It seems that the current trend, because radishes still haven't quite completely caught on, are runny-ass eggs. Gross with a capital Gag. 

Sadly this abhorrent movement isn't limited to noodles. Burgers, stir-fry, soups and pizza have all hopped aboard this revolting band wagon. I don't care if it's quail, free-range or whatever, get it off my asparagus.

I've never had a problem going to restaurants and ordering anything I want off the menu. I am not a fussy eater. With breakfasts it's expected that the customer will state "how they want their eggs". At the latest infuriatingly bespoke watering hole, the chemistry of the dish is thrown off if the egg is anything but drippy. (heaving*) I am finding this limiting and disgusting. 

When will it end? What's next? Come on radishes - try harder!