As usual, with unwashed hair and garbed in tattered denim, an American Apparel hoody and with no authority whatsoever I have the audacity to vomit out my picks and pans at this years Met Gala. The theme was something vague and everyone stuck to it expertly.
The Met Gala is a who’s who of who’s wearing what. From underwhelming, to inappropriate and back again the night was highly entertaining, even when viewed from across the continent and 12 hours after it took place.
The Trends: Sternums, slits, sheer skirts, side boob and exposed midriffs.
Rosamund Pike – horrific. That is all. Sandra Lee (who?) wore a cross between Kim Basinger’s 1990 Oscar atrocity and a little girl’s dream come true. The winner of my Terrible Choice Award was Lena Dunham. Seeing Giambattista Valli look god-awful was a first for me. Dunham looked dreadful in a dress that was so wholly unflattering, that when she took her shoes off it almost looked better.
In a dress that belonged on a (albeit stylish) flight attendant in the mid 60’s , Michelle Williams looked meek and ineffectual as usual. More than the dress I think it’s that feeble tight-lipped grin of hers that says, “You have to like me because I’m average – I’m just like you.” She could be stark naked and I’d still be yawning.
While we’re on the subject of total boredom, lets discuss the most overrated couple of 2014. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West smacked of averageness, wearing similar expressions reading as “we’re going through the motions” Kim had a not at all surprising strapless, slit-up-to-there navy dress designed by Who Cares while Kanye, looked adequate. In my highly unprofessional opinion, I think it’s over between them. I think Kanye will be lucky if he makes it to the alter before he goes the way of Chris Humphries. Really, was it worth having a baby with a publicity stunt? That goes for both of you.
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. We get it. You’re twins. Wearing gorgeous gowns that would have looked better on anyone but them, their complimentary choices looked like they were 12 cats away from living in a derelict Georgian mansion. I imagine this is the type of outfit they’d live out their days in mourning should the other one die first.
In clashing pink separates, Emma Stone although harnessing three of the evening’s trends (mid riff , side boob and slit) looked effortlessly lovely. Her hair was only so so, but far better than the other unfortunate women who erred on the side of “bed head”. I’m talking to you Chloe Sevigny.
Lastly, besides being exceedingly thin, Kate Bosworth looked superb. Wearing a salmon slip dress with delicate and strategic slices across her rib cage, the ensemble embodied everything that’s good about simplicity. Stella McCartney did it again. And then again on Cara Delavigne and then one more time on Rihanna.
Nice to see Andre Leon Tally in clothes that fit and not a parachute.
related article: Sternum watch 2014