Golden Globes 2017

Yes, I know I'm late to the review game. Better late than never I rarely say. Overall, my general thoughts were positive as the Golden Globes are inherently more interesting, fashion-wise, to the dumb ol' Oscars. And you can call me Tina if it isn't so. 

Below are my favorites and least, in no partcular order. 

My Top three: Center and from literal top to bottom - Louise Roe in Monique Lhuillier,  Caitriona Balfe in Delpozo and Ruth Negga in Louis Vuitton. Satellite favorites - counter-clockwise from left: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton, Annette Benning in Pamela Roland, Laura Dern in Burberry, and Natalie Portman in Prada. 

My Top three: Center and from literal top to bottom - Louise Roe in Monique Lhuillier,  Caitriona Balfe in Delpozo and Ruth Negga in Louis Vuitton. Satellite favorites - counter-clockwise from left: Michelle Williams in Louis Vuitton, Annette Benning in Pamela Roland, Laura Dern in Burberry, and Natalie Portman in Prada. 

Metallics, canaries & sternums oh my. The tiresome trends made their bi-yearly appearances on the red carpet. However there were exceptions to the sense-assaulting Zuhair Murads - notable metallics included Claire Foy, Ruth Negga and Anette Benning. Wearing Erdem, Louis Vuitton and Pamela Roland respectively. A notable yellow was worn by Jackie O, I mean Natalie Portman. Ahem. 

The White Wedding category: there were A LOT.

At long last I finally look like Sienna Miller. Or should I say she looks like me. This year she chose a look reminiscent of one of my bridal gown rejects (see above). 

  • SJP didn't  wear a terrible dress if you ignore its very literal reference to Carrie Bradshaw. 
  • Gillian Anderson, who despite a relatively unremarkable gown, was a vision of perfection.
  • Thandie Newton (remind me to tell you the story about how husband thinks he had a "moment" with her back in 2005) looked superb in Monse - taking the white theme away from the three-way-mirror and onto the red carpet thanks to a shimmering burst of amber sequins.
  • Louise Roe (last but certainly not least) wore a gown by Monique Lhuillier (a designer loved by bridesmaids the world over) and knocked it out of the park. This is the one instance exposed sternum + high slit worked beautifully. Do not try this at home - I promise, you will not pull it off. 

While many wore white and almost as many wore yellow a couple broke from the pack and did sublimely unique color. I'm still on the fence about Jessica Chastain's Wedgwood blue Prada, although my instinct is to love it. I'm no where near the fence in regards to Caitriona Balfe's two-tone navy and tomato  Delpozo. Subtle, dramatic and pinned together with just the right amount of sparkle. 

The One Trick Pony category: Almost as typical as their average dresses - Reese Witherspoon  and Amy Adams. yawning*          

dogs-breakfast.jpg

The Dog's Breakfast category:

Gucci (and the color pink) was not represented well by Felicity Jones and the disappointing and consistently terrible Zoe Saldana. Fortunately where Gucci failed Armani Privé-ailed. Mostly. The line was represented beautifully by a twinkling Noemi Harris, a velvety Theresa Palmer and a subtle Isabelle Huppert. At the opposite end of the Armani spectrum however, was the horrific custom gown on the cute-from-the-collar-bones-up Janelle Monáe.

Other notable mistakes included:

  • Anna Kendrick in a chestacular Vionnet. 
  • Casey Affleck - entirely due to his pubic hair  . . .  I mean facial hair. 
  • Carrie Underwood in Iris Serban and for continuing the plight of the color pink.  
  • If anyone can pull off Alexander McQueen RTW it's Nicole Kidman. Until now.
  • Sophie Turner: we all remember Judy Jetson right?

Bad outfit, shame on you. Horrible lighting, shame on the light tech. Was it the HD or the awful spots that made Steve Carell, Matt Damon & La La Land director Damien Chazelle look like they belonged in the ICU? Where some paled, others glowed. Perhaps an homage to Trump, perhaps poorly executed fake-and-bake - Either way Ryan Reynolds and Justin Theroux were an unappealing bordering-on-George-Hamilton shade of orange. Yeesh. 

So. What are we going to see at the Oscars, beside a whole lot of yawning? Because electric blue and red were at a minimum at the Golden Globes they will likely be at a maximum at the Academy Awards. Plus more yellow and emerald green. Think a primary school paint set. Also this isn't the last time we're going to see overindulgent slits. They just won't die. At least not before February 26th. Finally and predictably the Zuhair/Marchesa lace-metallic-sheer, kitchen sink dresses will be in abundance. I'm falling asleep just thinking about it.

Stay tuned and take every word I wrote as gospel. 

 

 

Haute Couture AW16

Relax. My bi-annual review of the Haute Couture shows is here.
It was a mixed bag. (see collage)

I’ll go as far as saying none of the collections were entirely terrible. Avant Garde to unintentionally comical (Maison Marigela) sure, predictably prom (Elie Saab) yes. But there was nothing overwhelmingly awful. Actually Guo Pei was hysterically awful.

Like I (and all fashion writers) always say – three makes a trend.  In the case of the ‘naked dress’ I think it’s safe to say it’s more of an epidemic. As usual we were beaten over the head with that tiresome look thanks to . . . almost everyone. In particular the lace and sequin encrusted numbers by Alexandre Vauthier, Zuhair Murad, and the bizarre "mother daughter" display from Elie Saab.

pomo-lizzy-anne.jpg

Giambattista Valli –  At long last a slight diversion from his stereotypical floral mini skirts. This time it was less mod and more modest – with high collars opaque tights and full sleeves. Somewhere between the opulent Romanovs and Victorian romance, GBV gave me hope. Even though he ended the show with his predictable froth of tulle. Siiigh.

J. Mendel - killed it . . . literally. There was a crap-ton of fur.  Having said that it was easily one of my favorite collections. 

Schiaparelli  - breathtaking, and not in a Jerry Seinfeld sort of way.  Elizabeth I ‘s court jester goes to Studio 54 by way of the Big Top.  There was a LOT going on – but done in a miraculously cohesive way. This is the only show I watched multiple times.

Maison Margiela – Possibly the only collection that didn’t deliberately reference an historical theme. Instead, like a seagull caught in a beer ring Galliano’s latest effort was tightly tangled in a fishing narrative. Like a mess of flotsam hauled up from the ocean floor, there were nets, plastic and semi-digested feathers adorning everything from slickers to bonnets.  I didn’t hate it.

Viktor & Rolf - One word; Hobo. The good kind. It was a rags to literal riches story. Think Hollywood’s Artful Dodger - complete with jaunty bedraggled top hat and pockets full of buttons and jewels. But with way more ruffles.

Valentino - Big news Maria Grazia Churi is leaving Pier Paolo Piccoli and Maison Valentino for Dior.  Here’s hoping the rock-stud shoes go with her. This will be their last Haute Couture show as co-creative directors.  The show was a blatant, albeit gorgeous nod to the fashion stylings of Elizabethan England.  The only thing missing was a chopping block and Anne of Cleaves (yes I know she wasn’t beheaded but I need a segue). 

And speaking of Cleaves . . . here are the trends as I see them.

Cleavage cut outs:
Several designers not so subtly pointed directly to the chesticles by way of triangular cut outs.

Elizabethan:
bloomers, ermine, full sleeves, corsets, tufting, tapestry the list goes on.

Victorian:
encompassing the full spectrum of the era from early vic with enormous full skirts, collapsed shoulders, and elongated bodices to the latter Vic of lace, high collars and puff sleeves.

Medieval:  
fur, Dalmatian sleeves, buttons, chainmaille(ish) 

Ruffs: 
Who needs a bib when you’ve got a ruff? As chic as they looked on the catwalk I couldn’t help drawing parallels between ruffs and these.

Puff Sleeves: 
Anne Shirley would’ve gone berserk for AW16 Haute Couture. Puff sleeves abound and in degrees from subdued to buoyant.

Pomo:
When the 70’s just won’t do. pastels to neon, power suits and un underlying vague element of sleaziness. The decade of excess ornament prevailed. Again.

Underpants:
It’s been 3 years. We get it. 

Cold Shoulders: 
After exposing pretty much everything, designers are hanging on for dear life to the exposed shoulder. And frankly, I can’t get enough. This season it was less about the cut-away and more about a subtle to dramatic slouch.

Collar Bones:  
Sweet-heart, scoop and square - wide necklines put those ever-so titillating clavicles on display.

Swashes of Taffeta:
it’s happening. see Pomo.

A collection of my top pics. If you agree with 50% of them you have superb taste. 

Swoon

The single worst thing to hit the catwalk since Rick Owens 'human backpack' fiasco. 

Gag

If some is good more is god awful - Guo Pei Haute Couture AW16

MET BALL 2016

From gorgeous to gruesome, tonights Met Gala proved wildly entertaining. The theme was Fashion in an Age of Technology launching the exhibit: Manus x Machina. Style choices ranged from the ridiculously literal to the strikingly subtle with many guests adopting the unofficial theme that lay somewhere between deconstructed disco-ball and  aluminum foil. see: every single Balmain gown. Frankly I was just pleased to have not seen any feeble leeloo impersonations. 

HIGHS

I admit it. Claire Danes in this ZacPosen phosphorescent ball-gown may just have been my favorite look of the evening. it's goddamn magical. Sure she looks like Cinderella - a very sophisticated - corseted Cinderella. Just to really hammer home how much I loved it I'm posting 4 images. Posen combined equal parts glamour, spectacle and mechanics. 

Lows

As with any fashion based event there are going to be some ungodly messes. And the honor went to the usual suspects - I'm talking to you Madonna. You're old. Stop it. No gala would be complete without Lady Gaga-ghastly showing up in a get-up that's inevitably punctuated by sky-high platforms that will hopefully one-day land her in traction. Finally -One word: TRON. I don't know who Julie Macklow is but whatever this mirrored monstrosity is supposed to be - one thing's for sure it was a HUGE mistake. 

SNORES

Bal -one-trick-pony- main is picking up the predictability torch where Versace left off. Shoulders, sheer bits and a shit tonne of shine = yawning* Perfect for the Kardashian-Jenners and their "squads". Also . . .Kanye -fuck off. 

Academy Awards 101

Ready, set, yawn.

The highly anticipated and widely panned 88th academy awards begins in about an hour.

But really, who even cares? it's been a giant fashion snore-fest for the past several years, with one or two standouts - simply because they're the only choices that aren't red ball gowns, metallic columns or Marchesa. 

My ambivalent predictions are as follows: 

I predict hideous high-low hems,  many rogue legs and metallic/nude columns. There will be and overwhelming stink of pageant gowns, Versace and the color blue. I will spent the next 6 hours biting my nails and clinging to a sliver of hope that someone will wear chartreuse or Elsa Schiparelli.

Try this at home kids. Every time you see a strapless ball gown - drink.


Haute Couture SS16

SHOWS

I have to say, I enjoyed the brevity of this season's Couture shows. Not every designer does Haute couture, nor should they. There were some extraordinarily gaudy (Zuhair Murad) collections some theatrical collections and some that just . . . . . drifting off disinterestedly*

Sigh* 

 i was so underwhelmed by Old favorites like Giambattista Valli that they barely elicited a yawn. The same happened with Valentino. Every season The shapes tend to stay primarily the same, with the added bonus of some ethnic appropriation. LAst season was Africa. Ouch. This season, was it Greek? Roman?  Ambiguous medieval something or other? Having said that i'd happily wear any number of the exquisitely crafted pieces that floated down either the runways - I just wouldn't pay to. I say that while imagining I was one of the 'front-row sitters' that require a piece or ten from each collection per season. What I'm saying is, they'd be had pressed fro something different. 

Valentino - Undeniably beautiful, undeniably derivative. Wait. Can one be derivative of oneself?

Giambattista Valli - We get it. You like mini dresses and enormous skirts made of tulle. I long for the GBV of 2004. Now that was something. 

Schiaparelli - The best of the bunch in my opinion. except for the cape that looks like an egg. Other than that - thumbs way up. A cohesive show, that in no way mimics their past three Haute couture collections. Are you listening Valentino & Giambattista?

trends

the 80's: (see: shoulder pads) Which, lets face it - go hand in hand anyway.
ulyana sergeenko channelled seventeen magazine darling, jesssica mcklintock - however in the most elegant covetable way. Jean Paul Gaultier did his fair share in spurring on exaggerated fashion hits from the 80's. A little MAx headroom here, a little working girl there. From prom to punk there were stirrups, pastels, puffed sleeves and jumpsuits. The jury's still out. 

ruffles: everyone. really.

stupid high-low hems: so infuriating i don't want to post photos. 

sequin embroidery: in particular utilized in such a way that the sequins form a pattern or print - anything but hap hazard. 

The end-ish. We'll see if I can gather enoug henergy to tear apart NYC, London, Milan and Paris fashion weeks next. 

#NYFW #LFW #MFW #PFW

Spanning revulsion, eye-rolls and a smattering of magnificence Fashion Month has closed. This time around I monitored the runways a LOT more than usual. And let me tell you. It's GD exhausting. They say 3x makes a trend.  Well the following "short" list hits the majority of the trends.

  • Pleats
  • Ruffles
  • Exposed Shoulders
  • Layered white T's
  • Dangly bits
  • Nighties
  • Midriffs
  • Dusters
  • Netting
  • Paper-bag waists
  • Underpants
  • Wide Stripes
  • Fringe
  • Leopard print
  • Obis

Honest to god it goes on. That's a crap-ton of trends right? Now imagine 3 or more of them applied at one time. Oy. I've been compiling lists for a a couple of blogs - and I'm having a difficult time narrowing things down, because for instance: 85% of SS16 shows have off the shoulder or cut-out shoulders, 90% of shows are ruffle heavy and 60% of shows have some form or another of pleats.  One show used egg yolks as a print. It was as distasteful as you'd expect. 

Some designers seem to have embraced things like the lazy shoulders in a whim.
"Aw crap, I heard So & So is doing cut-away shoulders - I guess I should jump on that band wagon just in case." frantic snipping* 
"What? ruffles too? Damnit . . . okay, but make them net!" cracking whip*

Then there are the designers who fixate on a  trend. Lets use silky nightgowns as an example. The designer configures them in every known way so that their collection becomes a variation on one idea - If you've seen one piece you've seen the whole dang collection. 
"Okay, we have a white satin nightgown, we have a white satin nightgown with a slit up the side, we have a white satin nightgown with wider straps, we have a sheer white nightgown and we've done all of those in ecru also . . . hmmm what are we missing?"

muffled coughing*  Calvin Klein muffled coughing* 

What I don't get is how celebrated designers are blatant rip-offs of others and how some designers using the EXACT SAME TREND can be so different. There are few collections that maintained their aesthetic, at the same time 'keeping up with' The Season while remaining fresh. Below are my pics for favorite shows. I'll be clear, it's not like I'd wear everything that flounced down these runways but there's something attractive and cohesive about these collections that kept me interested through the 30 - 90 looks. Also I like kittens. 

  1. Delpozo
  2. Etro
  3. Gucci
  4. Proenza Schouler
  5. Peter Pilotto
  6. Altuzarra
  7. Dries Van Noten
  8. Chloe
  9. Ellery
  10. Stella McCartney
  11. Dior

Favorites

Trends 

There you have it. Two slideshows - one containing the trends ranging from mediocre to attention seeking. The second a slide show with what I believe to be the cream of the crop.

Enjoy. Or don't. Whatever.

The Un-Bride via South Granville Inhabiter

Name that album cover. FYI - I'd sooner wear that whipped cream on my wedding day than walk down the aisle in a 50lb Vera Wang.

I'm getting married.

Probably.

Here's my step by step journey to cranky bride-dom. Remember it's going to list the entries backwards - so be sure to start at the beginning (end?)

Warning: It may get Pageant-y.

Sunday’s predictions: Today.

Besides mentally preparing for the In Memoriam (RIP Louis Jourdan) portion of the evening, I am once again predicting the top fashion trends of the evening. Sadly if the Golden Globes were any indication, my predictions (even the safe ones) may be lost to an overall theme. One word: Pageant. (I'm pointing fingers at you Versace)

Lofty Predictions:

  • Demure necklines – think high Victorian necklines or prim collars.
  • Sheer, see-through etc.  -  Whether it’s lace or organza, the message is: “Look at my underpants!”
  • Underpants – See above. With a host of runways sporting deliberately coordinated underthings, I predict underpants to be the accessory du jour.
  • Pleats – it’s been spat up on  runways for almost two seasons, plus Lupita did it last year*

predictable Predictions:

  • The color yellow – this season’s ‘red’
  • The color cobalt blue – the less adventurous yellow.
  • Thigh – After two years we get it, you all have legs; thanks a million Angelina Jolie.
  • Strategic cut-outs – This includes mid-riffs (last years Met Gala’s runaway trend)
  • Florals – simply because you can’t swing a cat with out hitting a Giambattista Valli gauzy floral dress anymore.

* Lets just make this easy - whatever Lupita Nyong’o did last year, it’ll be gracing the red carpet this year.  See:  pleats, sternums, florals, capes, the color red and the princess gown.

Oscars from years past:

Sternum Watch 2014 con't - Met Gala

As usual, with unwashed hair and garbed in tattered denim, an American Apparel hoody and with no authority whatsoever I have the audacity to vomit out my picks and pans at this years Met Gala. The theme was something vague and everyone stuck to it expertly.

The Met Gala is a who’s who of  who’s wearing what.  From underwhelming, to inappropriate and back again the night was highly entertaining, even when viewed from across the continent and 12 hours after it took place.

The Trends: Sternums, slits, sheer skirts, side boob and exposed midriffs.  

The Worst:  

Rosamund Pike – horrific. That is all.  Sandra Lee (who?) wore a cross between Kim Basinger’s 1990 Oscar atrocity and a little girl’s dream come true.  The winner of my Terrible Choice Award was Lena Dunham. Seeing Giambattista Valli look god-awful was a first for me. Dunham looked dreadful in a dress that was so wholly unflattering, that when she took her shoes off it almost looked better.

The Misguided:

In a dress that belonged on a (albeit stylish) flight attendant in the mid 60’s , Michelle Williams looked meek and ineffectual as usual.  More than the dress I think it’s that feeble tight-lipped grin of hers that says, “You have to like me because I’m average – I’m just like you.” She could be stark naked and I’d still be yawning.

While we’re on the subject of total boredom, lets discuss the most overrated couple of 2014. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West smacked of averageness, wearing similar expressions reading as “we’re going through the motions” Kim had a not at all surprising strapless, slit-up-to-there navy dress designed by Who Cares while Kanye, looked adequate.  In my highly unprofessional opinion, I think it’s over between them. I think Kanye will be lucky if he makes it to the alter before he goes the way of Chris Humphries. Really, was it worth having a baby with a publicity stunt? That goes for both of you.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. We get it. You’re twins.  Wearing gorgeous gowns that would have looked better on anyone but them, their complimentary choices looked like they were 12 cats away from living in a derelict Georgian mansion. I imagine this is the type of outfit they’d live out their days in mourning should the other one die first. 

The Best:

In clashing pink separates, Emma Stone although harnessing three of the evening’s trends (mid riff , side boob and slit) looked effortlessly lovely. Her hair was only so so, but far better than the other unfortunate women who erred on the side of “bed head”. I’m talking to you Chloe Sevigny.

Lastly, besides being exceedingly thin, Kate Bosworth looked superb. Wearing a salmon slip dress with delicate and strategic slices across her rib cage, the ensemble embodied everything that’s good about simplicity.  Stella McCartney did it again. And then again on Cara Delavigne and then one more time on Rihanna.

Honorable mention:

Nice to see Andre Leon Tally in clothes that fit and not a parachute.

The end.

related article: Sternum watch 2014

Blobs vs. Heels

As with Crocs, (gagging*) Tevas and the like serve a purpose. That purpose is to be hidden in nature and used on slippery rocky terrain. I maintain that these visually loathsome footwear choices are unnecessary in urban settings. Case in point - last weekend: Walking uphill, I overtook two women (roughly my age) wearing generic rubbery tready blobby things on their feet while I was wearing heels and a pacemaker. And there you have it.

The Defence rests.

Not Tevas.

Not Tevas.

They Sneak Me Here, They Sneak Me There.

And like the Scarlet pimpernel, (the weed, not the play) sneakers are popping up everywhere and with varieties ranging from persistent to invasive. Whether functional or frivolous, sneakers are highly adaptable and there's indeed something for everyone. continue reading . . . . .